Mommy Strong: Why the Army Should Totally Recruit Moms

Off The Blog / Monday, April 9th, 2018

Recently, I decided to update my resume to include all of the skills I’ve acquired thanks to motherhood. Perhaps you think that’s a silly thing to do but I must staunchly disagree! In fact, about halfway through, I realized: the Army should totally be recruiting moms. Aside from our ability to grow and sustain a human life all on our own, we can do some pretty amazing things.

Don’t believe me? Consider our resume:

Foreign Languages:

  1. We speak fluent toddler (an ancient and incredibly varied language), though, we choose to not understand “Whining Child” dialects.
  2. Mothers of teenagers are also masters of body language. So, whether it’s a shrug, grunt, or eye roll, we know what you meant…and you better watch your tone.

Special Skills

  1. We can deactivate an (emotional) time-bomb in 9 seconds flat.
  2. We have successfully negotiated multiple peace treaties with tiny, irrational dictators.
  3. We can withstand hours of incessant interrogation without cracking or caving.
  4. We have magical healing kisses.
  5. We have zero gag reflexes when dealing with all manner of bodily fluids.
  6. We can find anything you’ve lost, most likely because we had to pick it up after you.
  7. Eating cold food and eating it fast is not a problem. It’s every meal ever.
  8. We can stop you dead in your tracks with a single look and if that doesn’t work, we can count to three in such a commanding voice you won’t get past two and a half.
  9. While it’s true we can tune out relentless, high volume sounds and carry on an intimate conversation over coffee, we can also immediately discern which crying kid is ours in a crowd.
  10. We are mathematical GENUISES. Do you know the rate at which an infant-wearing mommy must run to intercept a falling toddler from the top of an average dining room table? No? Well, we do.
  11. We can smell a lie a mile away.
  12.  Should one of our squad members neglect to call us at the agreed upon time, we can simultaneously imagine EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO and map out a series of necessary action steps should any one of them turn out to be….oh, no wait, there they are! Good!

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Read our “Physical Capabilities” from the original post at the East Texas Mom’s Blog!

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