Recently, I decided to update my resume to include all of the skills I’ve acquired thanks to motherhood. Perhaps you think that’s a silly thing to do but I must staunchly disagree! In fact, about halfway through, I realized: the Army should totally be recruiting moms. Aside from our ability to grow and sustain a human life all on our own, we can do some pretty amazing things.
Don’t believe me? Consider our resume:
- We speak fluent toddler (an ancient and incredibly varied language), though, we choose to not understand “Whining Child” dialects.
- Mothers of teenagers are also masters of body language. So, whether it’s a shrug, grunt, or eye roll, we know what you meant…and you better watch your tone.
- We can deactivate an (emotional) time-bomb in 9 seconds flat.
- We have successfully negotiated multiple peace treaties with tiny, irrational dictators.
- We can withstand hours of incessant interrogation without cracking or caving.
- We have magical healing kisses.
- We have zero gag reflexes when dealing with all manner of bodily fluids.
- We can find anything you’ve lost, most likely because we had to pick it up after you.
- Eating cold food and eating it fast is not a problem. It’s every meal ever.
- We can stop you dead in your tracks with a single look and if that doesn’t work, we can count to three in such a commanding voice you won’t get past two and a half.
- While it’s true we can tune out relentless, high volume sounds and carry on an intimate conversation over coffee, we can also immediately discern which crying kid is ours in a crowd.
- We are mathematical GENUISES. Do you know the rate at which an infant-wearing mommy must run to intercept a falling toddler from the top of an average dining room table? No? Well, we do.
- We can smell a lie a mile away.
- Should one of our squad members neglect to call us at the agreed upon time, we can simultaneously imagine EVERY POSSIBLE SCENARIO and map out a series of necessary action steps should any one of them turn out to be….oh, no wait, there they are! Good!
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Read our “Physical Capabilities” from the original post at the East Texas Mom’s Blog!