If New Years teaches us anything, it is that we all love new beginnings, but none of us loves change. Of course, we know that nothing ever stays the same, and some seasons hold more change in them than others. At the end of 2016, my family was in the midst of one of those “shifting” seasons.
Last November, we welcomed our second baby into our family and I quit my job to stay home with the kids. The job I left was one I had prayed for the past seven years. It was a paid women’s ministry position, working under and learning from a woman I deeply respected. I was in that dream job for all of six months. Not quite how I saw that one going.
When my husband and I decided I would stay home, my ambitious, goal-oriented-self started to flounder. Stay home? What would I do? I can’t just be home with the kids, I’ll go crazy. I have to do something! I felt confident in my work, but motherhood was filled with feelings of inadequacy for me. I wasn’t at all sure I was ready to commit to it 100% of the time.
But in His infinite kindness and patience, the Lord began to talk to me through friends, scriptures, and podcasts about what it was He wanted me to do for the next year. At the start of the New Year, I read Psalms 27:8,
“You have said, “Seek my face.” My heart says to you, “Your face, LORD, do I seek!”
When I read this verse, I felt the Lord speak it directly to my heart. This was His desire for me during this season of life. He wanted me to seek Him. For the past several years, I’ve developed a good quiet time routine, so in a way, I have been seeking Him all along. But I believed that with this verse, the Lord was calling me deeper.
I recently read a quote by Jennie Allen from 2017’s IF:Gathering: “We have work to do. But first, we go back and fall in love with Jesus”. Again, this quote spoke straight to my heart. As long as I am breathing, I have work to do. I have children to raise, neighbors to love, and words to write. But FIRST- first, I must go back and fall in love with Jesus.
After 22 years of being a Christ follower, my affections for Him have grown dim. My heart is hard to the world around me. I don’t long to see the lost saved. I don’t weep over my own sin. I’ve chased my dreams harder than I’ve chased the Dream Giver. But this year, with His help, that changes. This year He has said to me, “Seek My face”.
Over the next year, I am going to play hard with my kids and reconnect with my husband. I know I am going to love being a stay at home mom! In the midst of the laundry, the tantrums, the giggles, and the meals- in the midst of all this ordinary time- I am going to learn to seek Him. And I am going to write about all of those things here, on Farm Girl Gospel!
“In the midst of all this ordinary time, I will seek Him.”
I hope you’ll stick around for the journey and connect with me. Leave comments, tweet me, and share your thoughts! More than anything, I pray my musings encourage you to seek the Lord- and find Him in the ordinary!